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Are there too many immigrants in Britain.???????17% said Yes,11% said No, 72% said, 'I not understanding please...
A guy phoned in sick 4 work 2day. Told the boss he had anal blindness. Boss says anal blindness wot the f**ks that? . I say well i cant see my arse getting out of bed.
Try this for a laugh... In a busy place or on a bus or train, pick up your phone and pretend to talk about your 4 week tour of Mexico... Hang Up... Then sneeze.
Used 2 hate weddings..All the old aunties would poke me and say "UR NEXT! UR NEXT!". They soon stopped that when I started doing the same 2 them at funerals!
smart blonde, stupid blonde & Santa are playing poker, which one wins? The stupid one, the other 2 don't exist ha-ha
Stephen hawking went on his first date in 30 years ... he came back with both his knees grazed and covered in bruises ... turns out she stud him up :)
Boy asks his mum "is it wrong to have a willy" she says no, why do you ask? boy replies, COZ DADS IN THE BATHROOM SWEATING LIKE MAD TRYING 2 PULL HIS OFF....
A Man Says 2 his wife, can i take a pic of your tits so i can look at them all the time, Yes she says...can i take a picture of ur cock cuz i need 2 enlarge it!
I have just been pulled over by the police, they said "you have just jumped them traffic lights, i said "leave of mate, they must be 12 foot tall"
It goes in dry and comes out wet, The longer it's in the stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag it's not what you think it's a tetly tea bag
2 packet of Crisps were walking along the road. Passing car stops and the driver asked if they would like a lift. "No thanks," said the crisps "We're Walker's"
Exercise programme...Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar. Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. VOILA....AEROBIX!!
Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill ,So Jack Could Lick Jill's Fanny, But He Had A Shock When He Saw Her Cock, Coz Jill's A Fucking Tranny
Lady says to his Dr "Dr, my knees are all blistered from sex doggy style! Dr asks "Can't you do it another way?" "I can" replies the lady, "but the dog can't!
Amy Winehouse bumps into James May at a charity do and asks, Wat do u do? May replied, I do Top Gear. Wicked Amy says, ill have 4 grams please ;-)
Blond and brunette walking down the road. Brunette says to blond "aww look a dead bird" the blond looks up to the sky and says "where?"
2 blondes where goin to disneyland when they came to a sign that said, disneyland left. so they turned round and went home.
Chris says help!! I've been arrested for being the most ugliest person in Britain. Can you come down to the police station and show them it's a mistake
If Marks and Spencer and Poundstretcher merged together wah do u think they would call it...Stretchmarks
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man had to be rescued from a condom machine by the fire brigade - well the sign said 'Insert coins and push knob in...'
I know who to blame for all the drugs in schools... the supply teachers!
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside Dublin Odeon Cinema. they had been queuing for 3 weeks to see "closed for the winter
bla bla big cock av u any sperm? yes sir yes sir 2 balls firm none 4 da girlfriend none 4 da ex it's all 4 da dirty bitch readin dis txt. :o
2 little sperms swimming together, 1 says to the other, is it far to the ovaries? the other replies, fuckin miles mate, we've only just passed the tonsils!
My mate told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.I asked, ' How do you tell them apart?' He replied ' Her brother's got a moustache!!!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? slow down and use a lubricant.
2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital ... one's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka.
... how to get 100 old age pensioners to say bastard? Get one to shout " Bingo"
Two nuns get raped by two hoodies down a country lan. one nun said forgive them lord they don't no what they are doin. the 2nd nun shouts oh jesus this one does.
My kids have been going on and on @ me 4 ages about going to Alton Towers, so I thought today was a good day for it.. They were fucking gutted when I got home.
A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff who lands first... the brunette because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair........PARK AND RIDE Lol.
I walked up to a tramp the other day and said 'knock knock', he said 'who's there?', i said 'i thought you was fucking homeless'
Why is sex like the lottery??... Because you get the same balls, no chance of a 69 and it always ends in a fuckin roll over!
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS: I've only got 1 eye, my hairs a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an asshole, my best mates a cunt an my owners a wanker!
Mirror Mirror on the wall who's the sexiest of then all the mirror laughed than made a grunt and said not u u ugly cunt.
why is it when you ask someone what the three things they would take with them if they were stranded on a desert island would be, no-one ever says a boat?
Got arrested in B&Q yesterday, 4 punchin the black woman behind the till, it wasn't my fault, my dad told me 2 go in n find a black n decker!
Brought a luminous condom, the missus said "go put it on, turn off the lights, and lay on the bed, I'll run in and jump on it" so I put it on the fuckin bed post
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